Surviving the Summer Music Festival Season: A Guiding Light

With the 2011 summer season officially upon us, there is no event synonymous with rugged living quite like an outdoor music festival. This is a seemingly simple guide to what you need in order to keep your wits about you while basking in undiluted sunshine, bass, and fanfare.

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Tip Number 1: Location, location, location! Park your entourage camp in an area where you are guaranteed to not get trampled, can still see/hear the stage without much obstruction or having to plow yourself into a moshpit of reckless abandon, and in relative direct proximity to facilities and/or alcohol serving station. This is the holy trinity of prime real estate.

Tip Number 2: You’re only as strong as your weakest bladder. AKA The key to survival. Scope out the bathroom situation. Get neurotic and attempt to time your binge-drink consumption in accordance with artist set times you know you will not want to miss. There is nothing worse than getting amped up for a set and mid-way being struck with the feeling, having to break through a pack of pissed-off (pun) folk and sprinting to and from your party approximately 10 minutes across the field. You will not be getting back into your prime concert-watching pit spot. Don’t pee in a bottle.

Tip Number 3: Pack light. Do not be that asshole in an over-populated crowd wearing a giant knapsack literally packed for a weekend nap. If you must haul your camping gear and kitchen sink, leave the luggage with a designated reliable babysitter somewhere on the outskirts of traffic. Or, put over-readiness to good use and become an evil genius:

Tip Number 4
: Rocking everywhere!
I am a passionate advocator of booty shorts in any situation. But if there were ever an appropriate time for the wearing of acid-washed denim cut-offs, this would be it. Lending itself to Tip Number 1, one does not want to have to be ripping off mutiple complicated layers of spandex, chiffon, fringe, etc. in a 2×2 Porta-Potty cubicle, especially toward the end of the day when the charming combination of humidity and sweat has become an adhesive and vision is impaired for a variety of reasons. The less clothing the better (but please, wear some semblance of coverage). This transferable rule also applies to one’s every day public exposure — including cut-offs. Hey, if you’ve got ass-confidence, own it. Below, a selection of festival-acceptable footwear:

Tip Number 5: Protect yourself. This is not in reference to those fornicating on the dance floor, but rather alertness to the elements. Nobody fiends to be dealing with a heat-stroke-ridden passer-outer in the center of a stampede, so stay hydrated (a vodka-water isn’t water) and all that stuff your mother told you. Bring a light sweater, and weather-wary, an umbrella. Protecting oneself also applies to staying conscious of elbows-in-face and the general rowdy trouble makers. For a more mellow experience, plant yourself nearer to the Woodstock demograhic, ifyaknowwhatImean. Mosh at your own risk.

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I will be putting the above TBD-helpful tips to practice in the upcoming weeks, specifically at Toronto’s first edition of Heavy T.O. — a two-day rock extravaganza being held at Downsview Park. Heavy-hitting headliners include Motörhead, Slayer, and Rob Zombie. If preparedness was ever needed, this would be the time. Will report back.

Until then, keep fit and have fun!

One comment

  1. Pingback: Something for the weekend ‹ Hide & Seek – Discover Melbourne, Sydney & Brisbanes hidden and intriguing places

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