Editor’s note: This post may contain spoilers… but do you really care? Proceed with caution, as the information acquired here can never be un-known…
“The Plastics are back!” — No, they are not. How dare you. How dare you taint the brilliantly crafted piece of cinematic history that is director Mark Waters and writer Tina Fey‘s masterful original (and one-and-only) Mean Girls. Have you no respect for the sanctity of the institution that revolutionized Glen Coco?
Presenting, for your consideration… Mean Girls 2.
Why even bother? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. This cringe-worthy excuse of a wannabe-sequel “stars” some Disney bitches you’ve never heard of — and if you had, you are most likely in the target demographic of the under-12-and-underdeveloped-mind set. The poster may be identical to its predecessor, but unfortunately (or fortunately), the movie is in an entirely separate league which vastly pole-volts the border of suck. And stays, and lingers, and seeps into any being of possible goodness.
The majority of this film’s plot directly parallels the original version, i.e. down-to-earth new girl at North Shore High School, befriending Plastics-victimized awkward outsider, hot jock jealousy, schemes back-firing a la joke on new girl earns new girl points after she “owns” a “wardrobe malfunction”, causing the entire female school population to copy said look — a twisted jumble of Regina George’s nipple-cutout tank. The Mean Girls 2 sabotaging is lame camp-prank un-funny, far-fetched, and, clearly, un-fetch. Lindsay Lohan‘s split-personality did a better job in The Parent Trap. The Plastics negative-2.0 make Cady Heron’s plotting against Regina George look like high-militant operations of extremely finely-tuned execution and awe-inspiring intelligence.
While the original cast steered clear of this gem, SNL alum Tim Meadows questionably reprises his role as Principal Duvall and dryly delivers the very few decently enjoyable lines of this made-for-TV movie; “The cheerleading squad will be going to the public library for a field trip. Now, last year we had some problems with that where we had 12 girls go and we had 15 girls come back.” Well, it seemed smirk-worthy amidst the rubble of my scattered low expectations.
To appeal to the youth of today, a heavy use of social media and abundance of cell phones has been thrown in, which, to me, cheapens the entire look of the movie (not that I was expecting gold, but they are running on fumes). This just makes it all very “current”, as opposed to the staying power Mean Girls has and will carry… for eternity.
If you so choose to subject yourself to this catastrophic audio/visual situation, below is a preview of what to expect. That is basically it.
Overall rating: Infinite Kvetches out of Zero Fetch.
Side note: A review is barely necessary when one of IMDB‘s recommendations for this straight-to-DVD prize is something titled Thong Girl 3: Revenge of the Dark Widow. You go, Thong Girl.